Hair Care for Black Kids: Tips for White Parents from Terria Roushun

When you determine and intentionally learn about the cultural significance of the hair, what you're doing is telling your child, I see you, I value you fully. Not just as a child, but as a black child. Because the hair care is more than just maintenance, products, tools, styling.

It's coupled with an intimately entwined with history, your identity, with your pride, your self esteem and how you present yourself in the world.

It's the Foster to Forever podcast. Happy stories of non traditional families born through Foster to Adopt. I'm your host, Rachel Fulgenetti. My guest today is Tariya Rashon.

She's the founder of Hair Essentials company and Love and Coil. She's a certified trauma informed care expert and a licensed cosmetologist with 25 years of experience.

Her passion lies in empowering transracial adoptive parents of black children by providing practical and tailored support.

With a deep understanding of black hair care and cultural nuances, Terea helps parents overcome anxiety and equips them with knowledge, skills and a profound sense of cultural appreciation.

As a sought after speaker, she captivates audiences within adoption and foster care organizations, fostering, understanding and celebrating the joys and challenges of transracial adoption and foster care. I am so happy to have you on the show today. Welcome.

Thank you so much, Rachel. You know, hearing all that, I'm like, wow, that sounds impressive.

It is impressive. I am just thrilled to have you on. I've been following you for several years on Instagram. That's where I first found you.

And it's there and I'll spell it out for you at the end and I'll also put it in the show notes because you don't want to miss her Instagram, it's so good.

Well, I want to say thank you so much. You know, I wanted it to be a little different. I didn't want it to be, hey, use this product. Try this techni.

You know, that's a part of the whole thing. But I want it to be more affirming and more easy for parents to say, ah, I think I could do this. Yeah.

And I really feel that I do. And I'm dying to ask you first. It's such a unique and needed thing that you're doing. How did you get into this?

Like, what made you choose this particular niche?

Everyone asks me that and I love to answer it because I guess it is a good question to ask. I always say that this community, I didn't find this community, they found me.

And what I mean by that is I was living in Chicago, I was working in A salon or a beauty shop is what we called it then. And one parent was referred to me by, I guess a client I may have had.

We never even found out who referred her, but she was kind of like, you know, your child's hair needs to see, to react. And I didn't even really work with children. So anyway, the mom bought her to me and the hair, her child needed some care.

And as I'm doing the hair, I kept noticing the mom's posture, her, you know, she was looking around, shifty eye, kind of with her slump shoulder kind of thing. Now at first I thought it's because she was in a black beauty shop, a black owned, black ran, black supported beauty shop.

It's a whole vibe, Rachel, if you've never been in one.

I actually have. And it totally is not even just a lot.

I mean, you have the music going, the dryers going, the laughter, somebody's selling something, somebody's eating something. I mean, it's the whole vibe, right?

Yeah.

So I thought maybe she was a little uncomfortable, so I'm trying to engage with her, but it was something else. And I kept having this heart tug. That's what I call it now, just a heart tug towards his mom.

So when we finished up the baby's hair, she said something like, you could just physically see her shoulders relax. She says, oh, now I can hold my head up and if you know me, you know, I asked her, I'm like, excuse me, what do you mean by that?

And she started explaining to me the journey she's been having. She was on YouTube, Instagram wasn't a big deal with the hair thing back then. She's asked strangers only to be almost insulted or condescended to.

And she says, I just can't do it. And I don't know if I still to this day don't know why I said these words, but I said, I can help you.

And she was like, oh, no, I'm bring her to you, you know. But then I explained to her why it's important that the parent, the mom, you learn, you affirm her beauty, you. And anyway, all of this started.

I started teaching her, she started referring me to everybody she knew. I was working on Zoom way before the pandemic, you know, and then suddenly Hair Essentials company was born.

I said, lord, I need to do this on a bigger scale because I start hearing the stories from the parents and I start understanding the need. And then I got certified in Trauma informed care. And I'm like, oh, this is a bigger thing. And Here we are.

Oh, that's so fascinating. I love it. So you. It's funny because I assumed that maybe you had a tie to foster care or adoption, like, originally, and maybe that was why.

But see, you can never assume. Cause you never know.

You never know. And so, yep, it was a mom. This all started with one mom and one child.

That's beautiful.

God. Putting on my heart to. Something else is going on here.

You answered it. Like, you answered that call, which I just love. Like, you heard that message, you didn't know why. You said, I can help.

And then you followed through and you did this.

My faith is a big part of everything I do.

And I mean, just, it's the foundation of my life, really, and how I live my life and how I relate to people and how I relate to these parents, you know, because there's other people doing what I do on the Internet streets. But I was determined. It gave me a different lens to view the parents and the unique challenges they have.

So it gives me more empathy and compassion and things of that nature. Because you can learn how to do this, you know, and I can teach you. So that's where it came from.

I love that so much because I do think there's a lot of shame involved about not knowing something. And it's like, oh, I should know this. I'm this parent's child. I mean, I'm this parent's child. I'm this child's parent.

And, you know, how do I not know this? But really, how would you know that?

How would you know? Yeah, but how would you know exactly? Well, let's face it, our hair, this. This coils and kinks, it can be a whole situation. I mean, for real.

And what I find is so funny or unique is that the parents, they never thought that the hair would be such a big part of them trying to adjust to having a child that's of a different race, you know, that's a black child. And so they've built up all of this anxiety over it even before the adoption comes through.

Or sometimes they just find out days before that they're going to have a black child in their life. So it's all of these nuances that builds up the hype and just relax. That's my message, that you can learn this like you learn any other task.

That's right.

Okay. And so that's been the journey.

So would you say that it's different for parents of girls versus boy? Do you think there's more pressure on parents that have an African American girl child than a boy child.

I think it's more pressure because a boy style can be easier, but all you have to do, and that's when they're little littles. Because if you look at these middle age and teen boys, they are creative with these hairstyles and the braids and the cuts. So that can be a thing.

But I do think it's more just because girls in hair and style and you know, of any race, you have that same pressure. So yeah, it is a little bit more. So with the boys, it comes to more of the hair care.

They still hair and they still need the care of the hair and they need to be taught about the grooming. Because there does come a time, and I really believe this, that you need to transfer and a boy should visit a boy barbershop, a black barbershop.

It's just almost a part of rite of passage. I have a friend, Isaac, who has a. It's kind of funny now, but I'm sure it was not funny then. His own experience.

He's an adult transracial adoptee and he had an experience when he decided one day, okay, I'm not going to go to super cuts or whatever, I'm going to go to a black barbershop. And he had no idea how to maneuver, how to be, how to, what do you do?

I mean, they don't have a receptionist writing your name down, calling your name, you know. So the story is he kind of sat there for a while till finally somebody asked him, dude, are you here for a haircut?

You know, and he felt a little embarrassed behind that. Yeah. So yeah, absolutely. The girls and then just girls being girls, you start becoming so much aware of hair.

And especially black girls that are in a predominantly white community, not just family.

I read somewhere a long time ago, and I'm trying to find it, that little black girls notice the difference in their hair before they notice the difference in their skin.

Wow.

That's how big a deal it is.

Yeah, yeah. Tell us about the cultural roots and the importance from a cultural perspective.

You know, Rachel, it really comes down to connection because when a parent, especially a white parent or non black parent with a black child, when you determine and intentionally learn about the cultural significance of the hair, what you're doing is telling your child, I see you, I value you fully, not just as a child, but as a black child. Because the hair care is more than just maintenance, products, tools, styling.

It's coupled with an intimately entwined with history, your identity, with your pride, your self esteem and how you present yourself in the world. So when a parent intentionally learns that piece of it along with the other things that it's important, the products, the tools, the maintenance.

But when they couple those things, that parent is empowered. That parent can answer those questions that they're asked.

People are curious about their child's hair, family members, they can empower the grandparents to know how to respond because everybody's not pleasant with their curiosity, you know, so they will feel empowered and built up and more importantly, they will have empowered their child as well as they go through life. So that piece is really important.

I love that and I think it's also really important.

One thing I'm really understanding from listening to a lot of adult adoptees and like transracial adoptees is that it's my responsibility to start the conversation, to bring it up, to have it be just talked about, whether it's about skin color, whether it's about hair, whether, you know, the differences. Because the child might not even know to bring it up. It might just be an internalized sense of I'm different. And that's not good.

It is clearly the parents responsibility to bring things up as normal within your home as early as possible, age appropriately. Hair time is a good time to do that. You know, talk about look at mommy's hair, look at that, look at your hair and it's different.

And mommy's learning how to care for your.

It helps them feel valued and important, you know, and yes, so you absolutely, it's the responsibility on the parent because I guarantee you, Dominic feels that at an early age they feel that something's different. And it's not even about the love they get at home. Oh, don't we give you a loving home and all of that.

It is absolutely a responsibility that parents learn and you don't have to learn in a harsh environment. I mean, you can learn, just open up, you know. I have this assessment in one of my resources and one part of the assessment is called Go deeper.

It kind of is designed to expose some unknown biases you may have about black hair. I mean, that just surface as you becoming a parent, a black child. Were you taught something about it? What was your first experience?

Can you recall seeing black hair? You know, because, you know, we, some of us grow up in very monolithic communities where you're just only people like you.

So when you see black hair for the first time, did you have a conversation about it with your parent? All those kinds of things come to the surface and then you can leave them where they need to be left and go ahead and help your family thrive.

So, absolutely, parents should have that discussion from an early age. And that's what I mean when I talk about the hair being a bonding time, that was a time with me. It's four girls and one boy in my family.

And I remember hair time was the only time I really had my mom to myself, you know, sitting there between her legs or on the chair and doing hair and talking. So even when I got older and I could do my hair myself, but there was sometimes for special occasions with something, she would help me up.

We could talk about things that I was interested in, whether it was a boy, you know, it evolves, and it helped. It was a safe space.

Hair time was a safe place for me to just talk and be, you know, So I even encourage the parents I work with don't make hair time more of a distraction time with using the iPads or whatever. The television just. It shouldn't be addressed, approached as a tool, something of just, let's get through this.

Right?

And so as you settle and as you become empowered and as you learn more and as you are given the care you need as a parent, I mean, that's my goal, is to care for that parent and empower that parent so that they can pass it on to their child and their child will pass it on to their grandchild. And you see, it's all connected.

And it's important to affirm their beauty verbally, things they see when you talk about it, because if not, the streets are kind of mean. And when the streets. I'm talking about the playground, you know, at the school, you know, people. People could be kind of mean.

And then your child, if they weren't already empowered with that language, and to say, no, my black is beautiful. My hair is gorgeous, you know?

Right.

Yeah, it does.

You know, then they won't know how to answer those kinds of situations, which means they'll just internalize it, and their esteem will go down, down, down.

Right. Yeah. Thank you. That's really well put. What about a child who doesn't like having their head touched or doesn't like having.

Because my daughter is on the autism spectrum, she hates having her hair even touched. It's very difficult to brush it. Like, what's your advice on something like that?

Yeah, I. That a lot from parents who do have some children that's on the spectrum or have some trauma involved in that.

With black children, though, that it's a sign of neglect if their hair isn't done. I mean, just face it, so there's, I'm sure, books and things, you can learn how to maneuver around that.

And that's why I say start as early as you can. But it starts with the talk and the love and you can find what you can do.

You can find, okay, they don't like this brush, but maybe they, they like that kind of brush or what about this? Or maybe they want to be more involved with picking it out and say, okay, we're only going to do these ends.

You know, you have to, when you have that special needs, you have to give special care and you just have to. It comes with a lot of tenderness and the parent has to be calm about it, not frustrated.

And when you bring that anxiety to the hair tearing time, and I'm sure your child, I have this one client, she gave me such a good review on something one time. Her daughter is very triggered during hair time.

And the parent, bless her heart, she has a daughter who has the thickest, the longest black, kinky, curly hair I've ever seen, tightly coiled. And she would just be, she would get nervous and the child would flip and then they would scream and cry and bite and it was a mess.

So I told her about how she feels in her entire time. One of the best things for the parent, you make sure it's scheduled, it's not something trying to jam in your busy, frantic life.

Have some time when you know you have a special child, have some time scheduled where you know you're at peace about it and that you, you've prepared them or involved them in some way.

And so this time when her daughter started to get a little triggered and unnerved, she said, I remembered what you told me about how I'm responding to that, to stay calm. So she did give her some of her a tool. I think it's like a clay or sand or helped to calm her.

And then she was able to talk it through and do a little more. And I mean, she was little, four or five years old, five, six years old. But so you have to use all of your tools.

But the biggest thing is yourself, make sure that you're not approaching it with here we go, or that kind of feeling and attitude, because I promise you, it is conveyed to your child. And then it also another thing is I tell my parents, let's watch what we say.

If your child hears you talking to your girlfriend and say, oh, now I gotta do this hair. The child kind of feels like my hair is a stressful mom or dad or it's a problem in the family or it makes her sad.

You know, all of those things are internalized. So it's so important that we're affirming positivity and first within ourselves.

And so that's why I really like to affirm the parents, you can do this, and you gotta believe that you can do this.

No matter what conditions your child have, you know, what special needs they have, you can use, there's lots of tools that you can intentionally start to apply to make life easier.

I love that.

That's how I would answer that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What are some of the common mistakes and. Or misconceptions that you see happening a lot with white parents and with black children?

Okay, let's start with mistakes. They think that they could set it and forget it. Especially when they're talking protective styling. Right.

They'll have braids in when they kick out of school for summer and it's almost Christmas and the same braids are there. You know, that's not protecting anything that's causing damage. So it's not set it and forget it.

I think one of the other mistakes they make is that they just won't believe that they can do the hair because of all the anxiety they've built up about hair.

Black hair in this country and other countries have been such almost taboo for so long that people have these biases or these misconceptions about it. So they don't believe that they can do it. I think some of the mistakes is trying to find.

Searching all over the Internet, trying to find that magic product. I have clients, they have closets full of products that they've used one time, and none of them are appropriate. Our hair is not a monolith.

I mean, look at mine. We could put 10 black women or black children in a room, and all of our hair have different needs and requirements.

And another thing, they follow that chart. Oh, I got a whole story about the chart. We will not go into it today. That hair type chart. Oh, my child's hair is 4B or 4. All of that?

No, it's so many other elements about it. In fact, I'm launching this year a course that's about mastery. You can master your child's hair in your child's hair.

You have to understand these elements, and we help identify what those are for your child and what products go with those and what tools. So you always know what, without a doubt, what is right for the care of your child's hair.

So looking for that one magic product, or they'll watch someone on YouTube or Instagram and they go buy all those things and it's just no one telling how to use it, you know?

Yes.

So that's another thing they're trying to. That's a big mistake. Thinking there's the product is an answer. It's not the product. It's just knowing your child's hair.

And if you have two children, three children, they may all have different hair.

Yep.

You know, and so it's that kind of thing. So it's just a matter of take being intentional about learning, getting some coaching.

You know, sometimes it might cost you a little bit, but you can learn. And you can learn in an environment that you feel safe and that somebod is giving you care behind you as the parent.

Because someone came on my Internet one day and said, why are you trying to empower white people? White parents? Don't you think black children should be with black parents? And I was like, well, thank you for that comment. I'm so glad you chimed in.

But here's a fact. It doesn't matter what I think or you think. The matter is there's thousands of black children being raised in non black homes.

And my goal is to make sure those homes can thrive as best I can in the area of hair. And we also talk about skin and things like that. And that's the truth. So I appreciate that. Yeah.

So another misconception is that it's hard because it looks rough and it might look thick and hard. I mean, it's completely different from yours. You think it's rough, it needs rough care.

And that is a complete misconception because kinky, tightly coiled hair can be very fragile and easy to break and have problems. So it's. Those are misconceptions too, which you can do once you learn it, you know it. Once you know it, you know it. Okay.

Right.

And the thing is to know your child's hair.

That's why even in my group, we have a Facebook group that's grown to almost four or five hundred people and they're all transracial, adoptive or foster parents. Cause we screen for that to make sure you feel safe in that group. And I never promote products because I don't want them running out buying products.

I'm teaching them. This is, you have to get what's for your child's hair.

Right.

And so that's a common thing. So once you master that, you got it. And that's what I'm developing. Something that somebody can self study, learn it on their own. Doesn't take.

You shouldn't Spend your whole childhood or your whole life learning how to do the hair. You can do it.

Right, right, right.

And it's important with the boys too. A lot of time we do talk about girls because we're the more fashion of the hair. But also the boys too.

Yes, yes. I have a son and my son is 3. And I don't know if you saw this, but he just shaved his head. He took. Oh my God.

He took my husband's razor when he was home last week. And just like a bozo, Bozo the clown all the way. There's nothing I could do. I felt like I had to shave it because what am I gonna do?

It was just like crazy.

So now that was the right choice.

Yeah. It's interesting because now we're starting over, essentially starting over.

And I don't even think he had that short of hair when we brought him home at like four days old, but he had hair.

And so now my question to you, for someone in my situation or someone who brings home a newborn and doesn't, they don't have much hair, are there things that we should be doing now to set it up for success?

Well, with a newborn, less is more.

Okay.

You just keep the baby soft brushed, you know. Cause the hair is gonna probably change. So whether they bald or they have a lot of hair.

And so many of my parents think, oh my God, he had a lot of straight silky hair when he came. And then all of a sudden it just, you know, it changes. Y.

Just gentle care, whatever the baby shampoo at the bath time, just water, just the brush to keep like cradle cap at bay, things like that. You don't have to use product. In fact, I don't recommend piling all that product on their hair. Your son's hair is going to grow back.

So just keeping scalp health, keeping it clean, keeping it brushed, even though he doesn't have much, he has his little sparse, you know, keeping it fresh like that to start over.

And while it's starting over or while if you have an infant, that's a great time for you to start learning how to care, what's good to do and how to care and how to identify so you won't be traumatized or shocked when the hair completely changes and you don't know what to do. And you're searching all over the Internet and some of these groups, you know, everyone's not professional in the group.

So they just given all this advice that's just cringe to me, you know. Oh my God. Yeah. So when they're just starting out. Less is more. Just cleanse. Love it. Not even cleanse with shampoos and conditioners.

I had a mom who had a six month old baby and she had a, I said, let me see the products you're using. She had six whole products for a six month old little boy. It was like the shampoo, the conditioner leave in this. And I was like, absolutely not.

But that I understood because that's what she sees and that's what she hears.

Right.

No one is telling her no with a toddler. So I like to say whenever I'm speaking to a group of people what I'm telling you, if you have an infant, none of this applies. None of it applies.

Just cleanse, care, warm water, smooth, soft baby, you know, all those little baby brushes that comes in the little kit with the white teeth. That'll do.

And then you can spend that time learning as you watching your child's hair grow in or change or you know, go from infant to 6 month old to a year, how different it is.

Yes.

And even when they're one and two years old, I know they don't like to see sit and I mean they're babies, toddlers.

Right.

But it's important that you still do something with hair time because that's teaching that little black child that hair time is a real thing with us.

You know, you have to, I don't know how straight your Filipino ethnic baby is, but maybe her hair is straighter and she could just wake up and kind of shake it and go, if she doesn't want her hair done, you can just use your hand and just let her out the door. You can't do that with your child who has kinks and curls and twirls, you know, and so you want to make sure that you know, you're learning.

So you do a little bit at a time, but from when they're younger that they're learning how to, they understand. So you don't wait till they're four years old and then that's when the fights and the craziness happens.

You have a bunch of different offerings on your website. One is a course like, is that a live course with you?

Is the course still on there?

So the course, it might not be anymore. I'm not sure.

Yes, because the course is coming. I've worked in this community for so many years and I really have a heart to get to what is the best I could offer and do.

And so I used to think, well, if you have an infant, you have to do this and I have to talk to the person that the 2 year old or the person have the 8 year old and the 12 year old and I come to from my polling and working with them realize no, it's the same. You have to identify who your child's with. Your hair is that child's hair.

What products go for that kind of hair, what techniques go for that kind of hair, what kind of. Here's some style recommendations with some cultural nuances that filtered in and that's the course that's gonna be released in the year.

Now I have other resources like some ebooks. One is beyond Curls and Coils. It's Black Hair care and Culture. The other one I did I wrote for Identity Learning and collab with theB.

It's hair care like a one on. And what I love about that is it has some interactive QR codes.

You scan the QR code and there I am talking about whatever the chapter was or whatever.

Oh, that's cool.

So that's a good one.

I have a journal that is a keepsake journal because so many adult adoptees, when I talk to, they're bitter or I read the comments in the groups, they think my parents didn't even try to do my hair and they just, you know, and they're almost bitter about it because I'm 22 years old and I still don't get it right. Well, it's a keepsake journal. That's edible.

It has some prompts and things you can write about and in the back you can upload pictures and put the date and put the products you use to show your journey and you could keep it and give it as a gift to your child when they're earlier. So just those. Everything I develop is coming out of what the parents are telling me they need. So.

So on this course that's going to be launched, I will be teaching the modules. You will be able to see me, we'll be talking through. It's not a bunch of slides for you to follow.

We will have instruction and now also how to execute because I think one of the issues is we have so much information. Yes, because you guys want to do right. You trying to do right by your child. What do I use? What do I do?

And you searching for all of this information overload. Now who's going to show you how to implement it?

That's right.

That's what I've decided to do with my course. That's how if your listeners do join the Facebook group that way I'll have Your email and things.

We have a newsletter that's coming out, but just tips and it's for everyone whether you have a infant or whether you have a 12 year old, whether you've had your child. That's what I'm finding.

People are telling me my kid is nine and terea, I learn things every day, you know, and so that's really important as long as you learn and can implement action items so they can join the group and then they'll be able to be a part of our community.

Great. I will put the link to the Facebook group on my show notes as well and I will join it as well because that sounds really cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you, I mean, I just think it's really cool how you're taking what you did originally. You're a cosmetologist, you're a hair person and you're interweaving that with this need that you saw and created this whole new thing.

Do you still do. Are you still also a stylist like in a salon or shop? Or are you just doing this now? Speaking, educating, that kind of thing?

Thanks for asking that. The journey has been amazing because I wasn't a full time hairstylist. I worked in corporate America.

I went to college, I got a bachelor's, I have a master's degree. I have two master's degree. I just worked in corporate.

But I always would do hair growing up, which is part of that cultural thing, teens hanging out or young people. We're hanging out on the summertime, on someone's porch, someone's getting their hair braided. We got the music, something's happening.

That's just a way of community. And so I would always do everybody's hair kind of in the neighborhood.

And I wanted to do hair coming out of school and my parents was like, do you pick a college or do we pick it for you? You know? Okay.

So one day, working in New York, living in New York, working in advertising and marketing and I was in my office thinking, what would I do for free? And I always would come back to hair. It's always been a thing for me.

So that's when I went to beauty school as a full on corporate person and my parents were clutching the pearls, Are you kidding me? And then I decided leave my job, you know, and do that thing. And then it just came to be here.

But no, I have a few select clients, extra five that just won't go away doing their hair for years. They just won't go away. But no, I don't work in a salon. I have my own private studio. I just take care of them, you know, one is a sibling, you know.

And it's interesting too because I work, I start now talking a lot with the professional side because I realize what I offer and what I do is dual. It's one to the parent. But also there's some responsibility for the professionals who on the front end.

And so I'm starting to maneuver those waters and getting invited to speak to the professionals a lot because the parents are coming here without they're thinking, oh, you can google that and you really.

Can'T when you see. Just to clarify the professionals, do you mean the social workers and social workers.

Therapists, group home directors. And I've invited, in the spring I'll be at a permanence conference speaking there, you know, so it's things like that.

So yeah, and I, and I get it because oh my gosh, they have some of the most challenging jobs in the world. So how do I help them or give them something, a resource they can use to help that parent who's on the front end of adopting or fostering.

You know, that's brilliant.

I'm doing both, which is why I really like to do a course that will have me live. But also the person can go at your own pace. And it's not a two month old thing, it's like a three week and you can get it and then it's the practice.

So I can have you there and we can still ask the questions in the group and then I can focus also on that front end guardian, that person who's making the placement or that person who's interacting with the parent to help inform that parent from the front end. Because I'm faced when they come to me, it's just so much overwhelm and anxiety and fear. It's gone too far.

Yeah, yeah.

And they come to me like, I'm ready for this final, I'm ready to do this. What do I need to do? You know, because some of them are not just new parents, they've had their child for a while.

Right.

So I mean, it's such an interesting job. And to be honest, when I first started, I just wanted to be the hair chick. I'm just gonna show them how to do the hair.

And then as I learned from the parents, I say, oh my God, this is so much more. And I would say it's only hair, but it's more than hair. Yeah, it's more than hair. And so that's how this whole Journey evolved.

So, yeah, I do talk to the social workers and the therapist and the group home directors and the statewide. Whether it's private agencies or a, you know, government run foster company agency. Yeah.

Oh, that's so great. Yeah, I'm thinking also there's these transracial adoption camps. I don't know if you've heard of any of those before.

I just heard about that on one of your podcasts.

Yeah. And so we really want to go this summer and I think like this would be.

I would love to get that information because, you know, I was thinking not just the workshop for the parents and also one for those teens or preteens that's about to start doing their own. That would be so fun. Oh, look, good, let's talk about that.

Or you can give me the information or contacts, if you have any, or the names and I can start pursuing them. That'd be fantastic. I would love that.

That would be so great. And it actually makes me think. Another question I had for you was, do you ever work directly with foster youth who maybe don't even have.

They don't have like a family necessarily or anything like that, but they still need maybe that information or coaching is that.

They certainly do. Yeah, no, I haven't had the opportunity to do that at all yet.

But I would certainly work with a foster agency who have some children that would need that kind of. That support, you know. Yeah. Because no, I haven't had that opportunity to do a one on one or someone present someone to me.

But initially this was just going to be. I know this is my life's mission.

You know, my grandfather used to always tell me, I mean, from when I was tiny, and I had no idea what he was talking about, but it stuck with me. He would say, we are here to serve God's people. Use your gift to serve God's people. And I would be like, well, first of all, what is my gift?

I mean, just, I just want to play with my Easy Bake Oven or, you know, and what is he talking about? So. But as I started, and I always would do, everybody's here in the neighborhood.

Before I was ever even considering going to beauty school or anything like that. I told you, I went to beauty school later in life after my corporate career. And then I started saying, wow, this is my passion, my gift.

And once I connected with this community, my gift had a purpose. It just came full circle. And I'm getting chills about it because it really came full circle. And I understood what my grandfather says.

So that's the lens that I serve from and that's the lens that I teach from.

And it's good, it's good to know that I am impacting families probably for generations because when your child is taught and know what they're going to teach their child because your grandchild is going to be a black child and they're going to teach like that and, and, and, and to close the gap, there's some knowings. You have any culture, when you grow up in that culture, you have some knowings, you know, smells, you know, sounds.

I mean, I could walk in someone's house and say, oh, you're cooking collard greens, you know, cultural, you know, right. You can know smells and things with hair and then that you don't get that when you're transracially or interracially adopted or fostered.

So my goal is to just be a bridge, you know, let's pull that together. It's just annoying. Just some understanding. So that's a part of all of I do. So it took me so long to say, well, yeah, I'm a hair trainer.

But that's not, I'm not just a hair trainer. It's so much more. I try to put the full picture together, you know, so that's what I'm working on.

I really feel that from you.

And I just wanna say, and we were discussing this before we jumped on this podcast show, just you and I like how wonderful that you heard that call and that you, you took it and you, you took the steps to. And now it's grown on its own.

It's not like pushing a rock uphill because you have your passion and your talent and your knowing all wrapped up in a thing that's serving a need for other people. And that is just so beautiful.

Thank you so much. I'm really grateful.

And I have such a supportive husband who supports me in this endeavors and I've been doing it for a while now, for a long while now. So I almost just know. And I'm just so grateful for the parents though, because there's no judgment with me when they come in my group.

It's a judge free group. I'm not good at tech, but I know how to do the block button.

So if there's ever, you know, if there's ever any negativity in our group, they know you're blocked. But the parents are coming with a desire to learn. Now I recognize though sometimes we have periods like now, there's not a lot of engagement.

I'm like you guys, because of the fear of being judged, they still carry that. Well, I'm not going to ask that question. So I invite people, come in my DMs, put it in my DMs, I'll bring the question back. You can ask anonymously.

It's just more important to get the information, to feel seen as a parent as well. To have someone to have empathy for what you might be experiencing.

And because fostering and adoption have its own challenges, its own nuances anyway, when you're building your family that way, it's true. So, yeah. So who needs someone wagging a finger at you? Let's talk about it. Here's the answer. If I don't know the answer, let's just go find it.

And that's how we work.

Oh, God. I really appreciate that because there is this thing of being a white parent of. Of transracial adoption.

And I've decided very similar to what you're saying is like, I'm not going to feel bad about it or hide from it or anything because the fact is it's the family that God graced us with. And I love my kids more than anything. And as you were saying, whether it's right or not. And I get it, I do.

I understand the voices that are saying this isn't right and this shouldn't happen. And I mean, I tend to agree also. So it's a weird position to be in because I get what they're saying. But on the other hand, I think that.

I don't know, I just appreciate the compassion because there's nothing I can do about it at this point except be the best parent I can.

Exactly.

And yes. Yeah.

And don't do it with ease because you have babies. They don't want a mom who's intense about that because on the world. You're going to face off. They will face off. I faced off. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

I'm telling this one funny story. You could cut it out if you want to. So here I am in New York, living in New York of all. And, you know, anything goes in New York.

This was several years ago. I'm working in advertising, a creative place, what have you. And.

And so I had just had a review a few days or maybe a week prior to my performance review. Glowing review. Fat Rays did not get the promotion. And I asked and it was. My hair was. Well, she thought my hair was a bit.

If I would do something different with my. I was like, ladies, Exactly. Are you kidding me?

Like, that's insane.

I'm a thousand percent can tell you the truth. So I was just settling with that comment. I was planning to leave anyway. How am I settled that?

About a week later, I step off of the elevator and there's a magazine cover there. And you remember the magazine with Oprah magazine, and she had an exaggerated.

She had an orange dress on an exaggerated Afro world, like, okay, yes, I looked at that. But I thought it was a mock up because, you know, in advertising we mock up things. Packaging, they look so real. Just to show the clients. Sure.

Yep.

And so I walked. As I'm walking to my offer, past reception desk, I noticed it was a stack of them. I'm like, this is a real magazine.

I went into my office, closed the door, and I picked my hair as far as it would stand up, like. Like picked it really big. And then I sashayed through that office.

I walked past the office with the floor to ceiling glass, you know, the conference room, and everybody was doing a double take. I just walked through that office with the pride of my hair standing on end. And it's because I never felt shame of my hair. I was taught that.

I mean, are you kidding me, right? You have the problem, lady, thinking my hair is an issue. Absolutely. Because at the promotion, I would deal more with higher clients. My clients.

That's so insulting. I cannot even. Yeah, that's insane.

You know, and I wasn't gonna bother to sue anything. It wasn't like I said, my life is so full and joyous and always happy. But it was so funny.

People were looking at me and I was just slowly walking with my hair just as big. And it was. That was my moment to say, you know, back at you. But again, how did I know? Why did I do that? Because I knew.

I felt confident in who I am and I felt confident in my beauty and I felt confident in my hair, so.

That's right.

And Oprah kind of validated that. Yeah, look at this. On the COVID of her magazine, which was so popular at the time.

Absolutely.

And I went in my office and just laughed my head off. Yeah.

Oh, that's hysterical. I love that story. I'm not cutting that out. That's a good one. I'm not cutting that out. I love that story. You talk about ease a lot. I've noticed.

And I love this because I am trying to bring more ease, ease to my life. It's really something that ease and joy are just things I want to cultivate now in this new. I feel like we're really going into a New time here.

And I think it's so important with all the. There's a lot of hard stuff out there. There's a lot of, lot of friction and a lot of, you know, disagreeing opinions and voices.

Talk to me about ease and joy.

Well, first of all, I determine what voices I listen to or what I'm going to even participate in or what I'm even going to let pass my eyes or ears. Because you're right, it's so much stuff out there. And you can choose. We have a choice. We don't have to engage and absorb all of that.

Ease come from also setting the boundaries with my family. My family. We know this is my time with them, setting with my business, with my clients.

You know, just really setting boundaries and not being afraid that I'm going to miss out on or miss out on the money or. That was a great opportunity. Oh, but I have this over here, you know, so once you make that decision to have firm boundaries, once you make a.

Intentional, like what you're going to engage in and what not, how to be present. I think, I think we don't know how to be present because we're always multitasking, which I don't believe is a real thing.

You know, you're just scattering yourself totally. So. Yeah, yeah. So if we practice, it's some practices we can put into. Like I'm going to be present and joy.

I don't even know how did you cultivate joy except decide that you are and you seek it out and you be that thing. You bring joy to other people. You. You know, like recently this summer, I had a little illness scare thing, whatever.

And I was like, this is not gonna happen to me. And so I decided to identify somebody else who I heard was really sick. And so I started going over there to bring her some care and joy.

And that in turn helped me. So, I mean, you have to be that thing and you have to cultivate it and identify what does it mean to me? Me?

What does a life with ease really mean to me? Because what it means to me is not going to be what it means to you and be confident enough to say, I deserve that. I deserve that. I mean, I can.

I deserve this afternoon of my magazines kicked up with my feet up and just, you know, looking at fashion or whatever, you know. But you have to decide what it is and just do it. But it takes some practice.

And no, it's not going to just turn right away, but you don't have to get. And so the things that you can do, you do. And the things that you can't, you don't, and you don't worry.

And all of that takes practice because like you said, the world is coming at you. And then your kids, and then you worry about your kid and having a black kid about to launch off into the world because he's not gonna be forever.

Forever. He's gonna be 18. You know, we tend to kind of start gathering those things, but if we just make it smaller, make it make your.

Your time more doable, you know? Yeah.

Small bites.

Small bites. And ease. Yeah. And you can remember to and say, okay, this is ease today and now.

Every day is not as easy, you know, but that's okay because I know that. I know tomorrow will be. Because that's right. I just going to handle this thing. So, yeah, I do like, like a lot. You can have a life of ease.

And I have it with my faith, my faith in God, you know, also, I know that it's not his will for me to be stressed and crazy. This is a gift. I am sharing a gift. And even when someone is paying me, because I do have ways where I work with parents one on one, that's not free.

I have resources, I sell. That's not free. I speak at certain environments. That's not free. But I do a lot of free stuff, you know, because it's part of the gift.

But even then, you have to just make the decision. I believe this is my gift, and I show up and give it as a gift. And that brings me such ease.

And when people come and troll me in my DMs because I'm doing this and they don't agree with it, I'm even kind to them, you know, even kind to that person.

Next level. Yeah.

Yeah, but you. But you grow there, right?

Right. Oh, you're such a beautiful person. Well, thank you so much. Oh, my God. I really. Yeah. Like it.

I was so glad. I love your podcast. Congratulations to you on season two. Thank you. And what you're doing, I mean, and your.

Your topics are so different and unique from other podcasts in this industry. I love that. The last one I heard, I mean, they're just so different.

They're not the same, but they're centered around the same theme from Foster to Forever. And I love that.

Oh, thank you. You know, it's funny, you talk about joy. That was my intention with this podcast is like, you know, everyone knows the hard.

I mean, not everyone knows the hard side of it, but you do know. But you hear people hear about all the horrible stuff and the horror stories and all that stuff.

But like there's also a lot of amazing beauty and inspiration that comes in this. And so that's what I wanted to focus on because I, as I said, I like you, am trying to cultivate more just joy and ease in my life.

And so I thought I can already do this because I speak for a living. That's what I do. And so.

But to bring that along with my passion for this industry that I now have and this community of foster and foster care and foster to adopt. Yeah, it's like, it's not hard.

It's not hard at all.

Thank you.

It shows through. I listened to your podcast.

I was like, wow, it just shows through and I'm just so excited for you and season two and, and I hope a lot of people find out about you. I'm going to share with my group that they should tune into this, your podcast.

Thank you. You've just been so amazing. Where can people find you? Do you want to spell it out or do you want me to spell it out? Yes, you go ahead.

My name is Taria. When you have one of those names, you don't get offended. It's okay. It's Terea. It's spelled T E double R I A.

The last name is Roshan or the other name, R O U S H U N. That is my real name. And I'm on Instagram at. I'm on Facebook. In our private community, adoptive and foster parents of Kinky Curly Haired kids.

That's the name of the group. Adoptive and foster parents of Kinky Curly Haired kids. I'm on TikTok at Terehrashawn.

We're just starting to get on TikTok but who knows what's going on with that. But if you join the group, I'll get your email.

We have newsletters, we have information that we can send out and I really encourage people that it's a safe, safe space. So come on. And in fact, when I do launch the course, it's going to have its own community with it off of the social media platform.

So you can really have that, that safety and to ask your questions or do your things or post any pictures and all of those things. So I welcome everybody. Men too. I love it when dads show up and they come on and speak. They're doing the hair and it's.

Some cats are really doing great jobs with the hair, you know, because you can learn it. It's a task. That's right. That's where they can meet me. But it's been a pleasure to talk to you, Rachel.

I love it. I feel the same. This has been the Foster to Forever podcast. Happy stories of non traditional families born through Foster to Adopt.

Produced by Aquarius Rising, edited by Jason Sirubi at Split Rock Studios. Original music composed by Joe Fulginetti.

For more information or to stay in touch, visit from foster to forever.com that's from foster the number two forever.com and stay connected with us on Instagram at Foster to Forever podcast. That's Foster the Number two Forever, however, podcast. We'll see you next time.