Safe Surrenders, Inspiration, Resilience and Commitment

Inspiration, resilience and finding one's life path in fostering

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Morgan: [00:00:00] We knew that there's a big potential of reunification. October comes around and we get another call and they said, we have a five month old. She's, she's about to be six months old. Um, and she just had extensive injuries, weren't thinking about anything except for the fact that this child is, you know, sitting in the hospital waiting.

Rachel: It's the Foster to Forever podcast. Happy stories of nontraditional families born through Foster to Adopt. I'm your host, Rachel Fulginiti.

Hi Morgan. We're here with Morgan today. Hi, how are you? I'm good. It's so good to have you here. I know. Super good. It's

Morgan: a full circle. Hi.

Rachel: It is full circle. Morgan is such a special guest for me to have on, [00:01:00] because Morgan has been there since the very, very beginning of my foster to adopt journey. Um, Morgan was our first babysitter, uh, like nanny for Izzy, my, my daughter.

And, uh, she moved here from New Jersey and we connected right away. And she was just with us for how long, how long were you with us? I think it was a year. You and Izzy had such an amazing connection and you just made my life so much easier. And then tell us, tell them, listening, what happened next and how and why we're still connected on this interesting path.

Morgan: So actually I nannied for around 10 years. Um, Izzy was the first baby that I watched when I moved to California. And it's just, it's so funny because I remember the first day that I came and I was like, Oh my gosh, she looks just like you. You're like, [00:02:00] Oh, really? Because, um, here's the thing. Yeah. And I had never really been, um, Like exposed to foster care before, you know, I've heard of adoption, heard of foster care, but didn't know much about it.

So Izzy was the first, um, experience that I had with any buddy in foster care in the foster world. Um, and I just fell in love with her and I, she was just an, is a special child. Um, and. Working with her, I just had thought I need to do foster care. I want to adopt, I want to foster. Um, and I was just hoping that I would find a partner that would want to also do that.

And I'd say like a month or two after moving to California, I met my now husband. Um, we were together for three years before we got engaged. [00:03:00] Um, We were supposed to get married in 2020. So we got married July, 2020, but pandemic hit. Um, couldn't do the big blowout wedding. So we ended up just doing like an over the zoom type of situation.

And. Because the pandemic happened, we both started to work from home. We both work in TV. Um, so all the studios were like, you guys need to stay home and work remote. And we were trying to figure out, did we want to do foster care first? Did we want to try for a biological child first? We knew we wanted to do both, but because we were able to work from home and we had the time together.

To do all of the classes and get certified and have you know, everybody at our house like checking To see if the plugs are covered and all of that stuff, right? Um, we were like, let's just go for it Let's just try it. Let's see what happens [00:04:00] Um, so we got married in july Did all of our classes and we got approved in august And then in October, we got a call, um, about a baby, a two day old baby, um, safe surrender.

We had never heard of what a safe surrender baby is. We were brand new to foster care, um, and a safe surrender is a baby that was either left at like a fire station, a police station, um, hospital. And that biological family has 14 days to come back and take the baby back. They have no, you know, criminal repercussions to that.

It's just. a safety measure so that a woman has that, um, option for herself. So this baby was born at the hospital [00:05:00] and the mother, the biological mother just terminated all rights. And that turned out to be our baby that we ended up adopting. Um, picked him up at two days old and We had no idea what we were getting into but We waited out.

Yeah.

Rachel: Oh, well, I just have to interrupt just to so first of all when we started I don't know if you guys had this experience, but when we started our classes they were like Forget about a safe surrender It doesn't happen. Like, everyone wants that. It really, like, it's a unicorn situation. Like, just don't, just try to put your mind away from.

So I just remember when that happened. And there was somebody else that I knew from Extraordinary Families, our foster family agency, that also had gotten a safe surrender. And I was like, wow, that's so wild. And didn't you say it was, like, the 13th ever safe surrender? Yes. Yes.

Morgan: Yeah, did I get that number?

Right? Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, we were [00:06:00] in Ventura County at the time. So we were in LA County and our, like, I think she was our placement social worker. As you know, there's like a million different social workers that you deal with. Uh, she was like, our age range was zero to three, um, because at the time this would have been our first child and we wanted to keep.

it under a certain age. Right. Um, and she was like, listen, everybody wants babies, which of course that's always the case. Right. Um, and it's probably not going to happen. So you guys should really up your age range. And we really just weren't ready to do that yet. Um, and so, I also knew that LA County was just like overflowing with children.

Rachel: Yeah. So

Morgan: I called over to LA County and tried to also get approved with them, which doesn't normally happen county to county. Um, so I was just [00:07:00] like calling everybody. I just knew that we wanted to take in any, any child under the age of three, but Ventura just has way less children. And I knew that LA needed more help.

So I just wanted to help where I could. Right. So I'm trying to get the ball rolling. And then all of a sudden we get that call. Right. Yeah. The next day that I'm calling LA County and I was like, is this LA County or Ventura? And they're like, it's Ventura. And I was like, you guys just told me, okay. What?

And they're like, yeah, the baby's at the Do you want to come get it? And we were like, Sure, when? This was 11 a. m. They were like, oh, can you get here at 12? We were like, man, okay, like we hadn't Did you have a car seat yet? Yeah, we had the car seat, we had the nursery, but we didn't have clothes or anything because we just didn't know what we were getting would be getting what the age was gonna be.

Yes. Yeah. Same with us. And we didn't have any kids before, so Right. It was like run, pick him up [00:08:00] with a few items that I had picked up just to have Uhhuh. Yeah. And then get him home and run out to Target and just like get all the essential, so it was like adrenaline rush.

Rachel: Right from the start. I know. It's such a crazy situation that happens.

It's just insane. Yep. Yeah.

Morgan: No one can really, uh, prepare you for like when you're just sitting at home on a Saturday morning and two hours later you just have a newborn in your house. I know.

Rachel: I know. I know. Can you, can you talk about, um, what that was like? Just the beginning of like, all of a sudden having a baby and how did that affect your relationship?

Uh, you know, what, what was that like? Because it is, it's like, you know, when you have a biological child, you have nine months to prepare and people throw you parties and you get stuff and you have mental space to like prepare for this and do all the reading and blah, blah, blah. Like what, what was that like for you to just all of a sudden have a [00:09:00] baby?

Morgan: Yeah, so we definitely didn't have the nine months because like I said, we got married in July, approved in August, got him in October, and I have a lot of child care experience, but my husband, William, had no experience with children at all, really. So to bring a newborn home was just a wild thing.

experience. I think he was learning everything, just everything was brand new to him. He didn't, and he didn't have that nine months to read books. And you know, you take the foster classes. Yes. Um, And I do think foster parents are very, are more well prepared, I think, than most people because we have to go through all of that training.

But even then, having a real like, like live baby in your house is different. And you can't just prepare for that and just know what's coming your way. So that first year between working from home together [00:10:00] and raising Atlas, we got to name him. We named him Atlas. I love that name. Such a great name. It was a wild experience.

It was, we were, the thing that I am so glad about is that we always talked about what kind of parents we wanted to be before we became parents and what kind of parenting approach we wanted to take. So we've always been on the same page. So although that first year was tough because newborn to a year is just constant change.

Um, We approached parenting in the same way and we kept open communication and when we were frustrated or we needed a break, we would take turns and, um, it, it was really, it was hard. It was scary. It was the pandemic too. So, um, Atlas also had something called [00:11:00] Laryngomalasia. And it's just a weak larynx. So he couldn't take more than two ounces at a time and then he would Spit it up.

So he was underweight and

he had to have weight checks all the time Um, he had way more doctor's appointments than just an average healthy baby. Yeah. So we were at the doctor's in the pandemic, um,

Rachel: Oh God,

Morgan: just kind of dealing with all of that. Yeah. That must've been stressful from just like a, God, you don't know what you're walking into, uh, in terms of like what the baby could be infected by and they, obviously they can't wear a mask.

Like, yeah. And we didn't know what he had that first

week, so I thought he had RSV, you could hear his breathing. Um, so that was scary, but being able to be home and work from home in that first year together, um, and him having that one on one attention from both of us, [00:12:00] uh, that was just honestly a blessing in disguise.

Um, and he's just, he was and is the happiest. kid ever. He's just the best. Yeah.

Rachel: Yeah. I love that. That's so amazing. You know, it's funny. I've been hearing that from, from other people that the pandemic was really instrumental in actually like helping their, their family solidify. And, you know, it's like, I think, you know, The unit, even for us, for Joe, because Joe would have been out of the house.

And as you know, he was, when Izzy was little, a baby, he was out of the house. He was driving two and a half hours one way to work and back. And with the pandemic, man, like we all bonded so much and he got to bond so much better with her at that point because we're just all together. Yeah. Yeah.

Morgan: I mean, William and I would talk all the time because we work in TV and, uh, I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep.

My job. [00:13:00] Or we would just have, you know, a nanny for 14 hours a day. Um, or I would just stay home and he'd be working. The 14 hour days and really do miss out on, you know, by the time he came home, they would be in bed. Uh, so we always talk about how lucky we actually got so that I don't think he'd be the dad he is today without that, that we still actually work from home, but without being home with them or with Atlas.

Rachel: I, I agree a hundred percent. So okay, so then tell me about the next step. So you, you finalized with Atlas, right? And that was what, like a two year process or was it only 18 months or how long did that take? Um, so we waited that 14 days,

Morgan: no one came, um, then we got permanency, which I think was like at the.

three or four month mark. Okay. Which meant, you know, you go toward adoption and then we adopted him at nine months.

Rachel: Oh, that's [00:14:00] amazing. It went so fast. Yeah.

Morgan: It was really fast with him.

Rachel: Um, because it's so weird. I just want people to get, understand that, like, even with the safe surrender, like with Dominic, my son was a safe surrender, which is also like a crazy unicorn that both of us got to say surrenders like so weird.

Yeah. So weird. But, um, and amazing. But, um, It took us almost two years. He's almost two, and we just finalized in April. So I know I would keep checking in with you. Is that normal? I think what happened is they were, they were backed up from the pandemic. And as you know, LA County is just insane. There's just so many children in the system.

And so I think because it was like, there was no sort of like, um, There was no intricacies to the case, they kind of shoved it to the side instead of just like you would think that they would just be like, Okay, this is an easy one. Let's just get it going and like make it happen. But no, that's not what happens in a bureaucracy.

It was like, Okay, this one is like, [00:15:00] fine, he's doing great, like whatever. So like, things just got dropped, things were fine. You know, as, as they are, it's like, you know, a social worker, she, she left and nobody told us like the social worker doesn't even have the case. Then they're like, who even has the case?

There was an ICWA. Do you know what ICWA is? It's this, um, Indian child welfare act. And it's something that at least in LA County, um, every child that comes through the system needs to be cleared. which is, do they have any, um, Native American, uh, blood? And so if they do, you have to check in. They have to send out, um, to all the tribes that they could potentially be connected to and make sure that this, there's no blood relatives because they would always get, I mean, any blood relative is going to get first priority anyway, but like, especially in the Native American community, it's really important for them to, to, like they would want that child to be in their tribe.

So there was that piece with Izzy, [00:16:00] um, which took a really long time because it's just like, they literally have to send it out and then they have to get a response back, a hundred percent response from every tribe. With Dominic, they forgot to do the the, The paperwork like they had no information about the birth parents, so it shouldn't have even been an issue, but no one signed that one form so literally just even at the 11th hour after like parental rights have been terminated and everything and we're just waiting and waiting and waiting.

We're like, what is going on? It turns out there's this one piece of paper that was never filled out, so it was just on hold. It was like, and you know, that's the importance of like, being like, you are, or like, I am the kind of person that will like, I was kind of relentless about just like, in the nicest way, because you can't, you know, piss anybody off, but like, just like, can we please just look, and can you find out what's happening, and you know, so anyway.

Not to hijack. Were you so stressed? It was just, [00:17:00] you know, I wasn't as stressed as I was with Isabella, actually, because with her I always felt like, oh, is there going to be a blood relative that pops up at the end of, you know. But with him, it was more just like, you know, we're moving, like we're literally moving at the same time.

The end of June, early July of this year and so I was getting stressed about like, we got to get this going because we can't leave the States until this is a done deal because we actually looked into that and they were like, well, if you do that, you're going to have to get recertified in New York and then they're going to have to, you know, they might end up just giving him to some other per, you know what I was like, wow, no, we're not doing that.

Like, we're not going to do that. We'll stay here as long as it takes. But yeah, I finally had to just. Multiple calls. And is there anything anybody can do? We are leaving in a few months. Like there's no reason why this should be still. And they agreed. And I have to say the social workers were really awesome in like getting it to happen.

It was like a group effort. [00:18:00] There's a bunch of people on the team and on the case. And eventually it happens. So anyway,

Morgan: I think I've like come to learn it. Through all the the kids that we've had is most of the social workers are amazing And all of the people are amazing and they want to be in this for all of the right reasons But like the paperwork and the bureaucracy like get in the way.

Rachel: Yes

Morgan: of things just like running efficiently and it can be as a foster parent just So frustrating. Yes,

Rachel: it is because it's like I remember waiting for the um, acknowledgement to come back like after TPR, uh, termination of parental rights, they have to send the acknowledgement they call it to Sacramento to be acknowledged by the state that like, yes, this child is available for adoption, then it has to come back.

And literally that took so long. There's one

Morgan: person that does it. Are you serious? Yeah. We were waiting on that and it was like pandemic and she only [00:19:00] works like three days a week or something. It's the one that it goes to Sacramento. Yeah. Yes. That was holding us up too.

Rachel: I literally was like, I will do it.

Like I, can I, and I was talking to another dad recently on, on this show and he was saying, Oh, I offered to drive to Sacramento, like I'll do this. And they're like, no, no, no, you can't do that. You had, there's a protocol. You got to follow the protocol. So yeah, that, that kind of thing. I agree with you. Can be super frustrating.

Yeah. It is. But anyway, let's get back to your story. So okay, so you finalized in nine months, which is amazing. Okay. Yeah.

Morgan: So we adopted and like that never happens. Right. I knew that at the time that that never happens. And then, like I said, we had always planned on having biological children, adopted children, foster kids in and out, whatever happened, we're very open to reunification, um, we're not [00:20:00] just in it for adoption, but when we got Atlas, he, like, changed everything for us, and, I wanted him, we wanted him to have siblings that he would have something in common with and I'm never going to understand his Life as although it's the least traumatic experience that one could have probably in foster care

It's still going to be traumatic.

I made him a book when he was adopted that explains how This all happened with pictures of us. And so we're very open about the whole thing

Rachel: Um, it's called a life book if just so the listeners you make a life book and this really should happen Whether you adopt or not This child has a story and and has a history You prior to you, even if they were, you got them at two days old.

And so it's really, really important to, you know, have that for them [00:21:00] later to be able to look at and, um, to understand their whole story. Right.

Morgan: So we're have always been very open with him. He's two and a half now. He'll be three in October. Um, he's still kind of young to even understand, but you know, when we look at the book and I, I also made him like a picture book.

Um, and it's called like the story of us. And it's just like, here's mom and dad when we picked you up and, um, how the adoption was just like a happy celebratory thing. And then one of the pictures Is the day that we found out we could go for permanency and like William is crying in the picture And us will be like dad's crying.

He's so happy and so like We have just framed it as such a positive thing. Um, but you know, when he grows up, he's going to have questions of

Rachel: Yeah. Yeah.

Morgan: You can only imagine, like, well, why wasn't I Yeah. Good enough, or, you know, those questions are going to come up. And [00:22:00]

Rachel: How do you, and, and I'm, I reconcile with this all the time.

Joe and I do too. How, how do you plan on framing that? We do know a little bit about his birth family,

Morgan: but we're not sharing that with him until he's older. And we're not going to share with other people because we don't want him to find out from other people and then think that we were keeping a secret from him.

Right. Um, so our approach to it is to always be honest and old, but appropriately considering what age he's at. So, right. Your biological mother knew that she couldn't give you the life that you deserved and needed, and she was not in a place to be the mom that you needed. So she left you at a safe place, and she knew that you would be placed with safe people that were going to love you, and mom and dad were the ones that happened to pick you up, and now you're here with us.

She was protecting you, and she was making [00:23:00] sure that you were, you know, taken care of in the best way that she could. Um, and That's beautiful. With, with his case and after learning, kind of, her background, in the beginning, I was kind of like, oh, like, how, how do you do this? Like, I don't know if I could have been able to, you know, give birth and this and that, and you kind of, like, have these feelings about it, but after going through Right.

I have, I had, Three more children in foster care. One was reunited and I still have two. Seeing their stories and what they have been through, I have such a different respect for Atlas's bio parent because he could have been put through so much more trauma than he had experienced. Seeing the kids that I have now and knowing what they are experiencing, what they did experience, um, I have a newfound respect for what she did for him.

Rachel: [00:24:00] Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I feel that way too. Yeah. That's amazing. Was, was Dominic, um. R So he was, um, surrendered safely at the hospital. So she, uh, birth mom was a, um, had a emergency C section and then, you know, she just said like, I can't do this. I'm not. Yeah. This isn't going to work. And, and thank God. I mean, it's really like.

I'm so happy that that is an option for women. Absolutely. I mean, I, I do. I, I have the highest respect for her in saying like, this is not something I can do and to, to do it in that way rather than, yeah. Yeah. Yep. Okay, so, so you decided right away that you wanted to do this again, like you were ready for this journey or you said you, you were thinking about biological.

Yeah.

Morgan: So now at that point we're like, no bio, biological children, we don't want to try for that. We just [00:25:00] want to be a foster home. That is completely open to reunification or adoption. If it came to that, um, so we ended up moving to Texas, um, William's family lives here. We wanted a bigger house. We had, we had a two bedroom, um, at the time and we were looking in California, but the housing market was crazy.

Homes were like a million dollars for 2000 square feet. We were like, I'm not doing that. So we worked from home. His family lives here. Um, we decided to get an Airbnb last April and we were like, let's just go there for a month, look around, see if we like it. Within the first week we found the house. Wow.

To buy. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was my God. Um, and it ended up being in such an amazing neighborhood, the school, the elementary school they can walk to, um, it's [00:26:00] such like a, um, not a cookie cutter neighbor. It just like something out of a lifetime movie. Like the downtown is like this quaint little, like Main Street.

Kids friendly everywhere you go like the community is the people are just amazing. Um, so I couldn't have so cool randomly picked a better house. Like we didn't even know the schools really all that well when we picked the house. Uh huh. And it just ended up being everything that we needed. Amazing. But the second that we touched down at our Airbnb, we started taking classes in Texas.

Wow. Because we were ready to at this point Atlas was a year and a half and we were ready for more. Um, so started taking our classes, found the house and moved in, in July and got approved. And [00:27:00] sorry, I'm like trying to, this, this year has been such a blur. Um, and so a different thing about Texas from California is Texas is kind of privatized.

We have agencies here. So, um, our agency, we chose is one of the only agencies here that, um, accept everybody. They're LGBTQ. Um, like a lot of the agencies don't accept that here in Texas, which is super unfortunate. Wow. Yeah. So we went with, I know it's terrible. That was something that like opened our eyes and we were like, wow, okay, we have to be.

You know, we will pick an agency that accepts everybody or we're not right

Rachel: going

Morgan: to do it.

Rachel: Yeah. And is it a nonprofit like it is here or it's a private like for profit agency or do you know, like, is it a. org or I'm still kind

Morgan: of confused about it all. But yeah, what happens is these agencies. are [00:28:00] kind of like an extra layer of protection because we take classes through the agency.

We get approved through the agency and they are the, our case managers. So they come to our home once a month, they check in on the kids. Um, and CPS or the state, when a child is removed and needs a home, they go through the agency and they say, hi, like here's this child, here's the situation. Do you guys have a family?

that, uh, is a good fit. So it's kind of like layered. That's how ours,

Rachel: that's how we did it with Extraordinary Families. Okay. But here you don't have to do it that way. You can do it that way or you can just do it direct. Yeah, you have to do it that

Morgan: way here.

Rachel: Ah, interesting. And it does, the only, I think it's actually really great if the agency is great like ours was.

So, uh, Because they can, they're really the only person in the scenario that's kind of like for you and on your team. Um, the only caveat is [00:29:00] that you have to have double visits, right? Because you're getting visited by the county and you're also getting visited by the agency. I mean, at this point, I think I have people in my house

Morgan: like every other day.

Right. It's just like to a north, like a, Family that doesn't do this, it would be scary to them, but at this point, I'm just like, come on in. Right. Everything's, you know, up to code, check the fridge, you know? Yep. Um, yeah. So yeah, so we got approved in, okay. So the funny thing is September came around, September 7th, we got a call for another baby that was two days old.

Um, we'll call her number two. Um, just to, I'm, the rest are not adopted yet, so we'll do numbers. Sure. Uh, she was two days old. She was being removed because her mother, I think was like on drugs when she came to the hospital and then also the biological [00:30:00] grandparents Broke the like safety plan that they put in place By leaving her with the bio mom and then cps was kind of like this isn't safe for the baby We need to remove her from the situation Um, so they called us.

Uh, they said we have this two day old baby Are you interested and we were like, Oh my gosh, how did we get a two day old baby again? Like, I felt like we hadn't like really put in the work yet. And so like, that's kind of like what we were looking to do, but we were like, of course. Yeah. Um, so they brought us, they drove her to our house that day.

Um, and you know, I already had baby stuff, but I didn't have girl stuff yet. Um, so I kind of like ran to Target and got all the girl things. Um, and. Obviously, immediately you fall in love with a baby. She was, uh, coming down from drugs. And that whole first month, she [00:31:00] slept the entire time. So, she was already like a month behind because that whole month she just was not awake.

Then that second month, She only cried. Um, she was scream crying. She was very rigid. Um, we did a lot of like OT and PT with her. Um, lots of doctor's appointments and there was really just no consoling her, which was the hard part. Um, and which is something that if you're going into foster care, You should be aware of is you could have a child coming down from prenatal use.

Um, yeah, and These babies have a scream that just like hits a part of your brain It's so triggering and you just have to know how to keep yourself calm and you have to know when to tap out and switch with your partner And you know, we also had Atlas so like yeah, it's bouncing off of each other Yeah, trying to console her.

Um, [00:32:00] and so that brought us to October. She was having visits with, uh, her biological grandparents every Thursday. So we knew that there's a big potential of reunification with, um, The biological grandparents. October comes around and we get another call and we were not going to take another child because two under two was already a lot.

Yeah. And so we kind of said, please don't call us right now. Let us like kind of get ourselves settled and kind of get back on our feet with a newborn and to be two year old. Yeah. But they called us October 26. With number three. Mm hmm. And they said we have a five month old. She's she's about to be six months old She's at the San Antonio Hospital Um, and she just had extensive [00:33:00] injuries, um, old injuries that had healed and new injuries.

Um, we're having a hard time finding a home for her. That's why she's been in the hospital for five days. If we don't find a placement for her, she's going to go to, um, like a home type of situation, like where other, like it wouldn't have been like a foster home. It would have been where there's just a bunch of kids because they have nowhere else to put it.

And we, we were like, okay, obviously we're going to come pick her up right now. Like, like

we, weren't thinking about anything except for the fact that this child is, you know, sitting in the hospital waiting for anybody. Yeah. Um, so we went and we had, Atlas was at daycare, number two was in her stroller, I got the attachment for number three, we, we get up to the, the floor that number three is on and there's like a [00:34:00] volunteer walking around with her and she's got a cast on her leg and she just like, Five months old just like so just sad looking.

Mm hmm. And I just remember seeing her Tearing up right away because you know seeing a child a baby in a cast.

Rachel: Yeah

Morgan: with other injuries Was jarring. I had never you know experienced anything like that in my life

and when you sign up for foster care, obviously, that's a Huge possibility, but you know, right.

You never expect to see an infant in that state. So we spent some time with her in the hospital room and they discharged us with her with us that day. So now we had. Uh, almost six months old, a two month old and our two year old. Oh my God. Yeah. Um, that was a [00:35:00] lot.

Rachel: Yeah.

Morgan: We had

Rachel: all with their own special needs and like different.

Oh yeah. Yeah. So, um, and you're both still working. I'm sorry to interrupt, but like you're, Oh wow. I felt like looking back,

Morgan: I felt like I was totally a ping pong ball. And I don't know how I did it. I, I don't know how I did it, uh, but you just kind of do it. Atlas was a daycare, uh, that both girls would have their visits.

We tried to get them both on Thursdays, so at least we only had to go into San Antonio, which is like a 40 minute drive.

Once a week, they would have their separate visits. And also number three, the one with the injuries in the first like month and a half not counting her visitations or any kind of like physical therapy.

She had over 20 doctors and specialists appointments to address everything. Um, she was [00:36:00] on, we just got the clear to take her off of seizure medication, but the reason she had been brought into the hospital was only because she was having seizures due to. The injury. So she had a ton of specialists that she had to be seen.

Um, and it's been seven months and she's just now done with all of her specialists. Um, but doing all that was definitely a whirlwind. Um, Not knowing where either of their like cases were going was super stressful. And then the holidays were coming up at this point. We were like, well, I know that number two is probably going to be reunified, but we're waiting for this home study to come back, which is, um, social workers will do a home study on a family member, look at their background.

Do you like a background check,

a psychological [00:37:00] check, make sure that they, you know, get their CPR classes, all of these things. If they pass, the child will be taken from us and placed back with a bio. Yeah. Family member. Um, and for some reason they had not passed. So she was supposed to be reunified before Halloween.

And at this point, Christmas is coming. We had her through Christmas, the new year. Um, and she was still with us. And so like, Again, it was paperwork and bureaucracy that held her in our home. Yeah. When she, she should have been reunited in October. And at that point we are starting to create. That bonds because every child deserves, you don't hold back.

Right. They deserved like, we are the adults, they are the baby. Give them everything and we can deal with the heartbreak. Yes. So we, we gave her all of us a hundred [00:38:00] percent of, I treated her. Just like I've treated all of my kids. Mm-Hmm. . And, um, they lawyered up and they like, good for them because I would've two.

Yeah. And we got called in for, uh, a hearing and they were like, why is this taking so long? Mm-Hmm. . Like, this child is sitting in foster care when she has grandparents that want her. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Um. And the, the lawyer or the judge was like, I'm, I'm going to pass this through you guys, either you guys have the weekend and then you need to like, do you get this done?

And so CPS and the social workers were like, okay, do you want us to do it today or Monday? And the judge was like, well, I have a heart, so let's give the foster parents, uh, the weekend and, you know, We were just like, okay. Like this is what, what it is. Yep. Um, it was heartbreaking.

Rachel: Mm-Hmm.

Morgan: because it's natural to picture a [00:39:00] future with that child.

Rachel: Yeah.

Morgan: And it's also natural to create a bond because we were all, she knew, like she knew Right. As parents and as a family in our home and everything. Yeah. Um, and so like packing up her clothes, you know, I saved a couple little pieces. Mm-Hmm. , but like packing up her clothes. And, like, I just sent her with all of her things.

I didn't want to keep anything because those were hers. Um, that was probably the hardest part of it.

Rachel: I bet.

Morgan: And then, um, the social worker came the next, on Monday. And just like packed her book, put off everything in the, in the trunk and put her in the car. And then that was it. We had tried to create, um, a friendly relationship with the grandparents, um, because CPS can approve you to text and send pictures if it's, if it's healthy.

And so that's what we tried [00:40:00] to do so that they could have been updated the six months. Yeah. They didn't participate in that. Okay. Um. And I think for them, they just wanted the baby back and to be done with the whole thing, which I totally get. Um, but as a foster mom, it was really hard to know that once I put her in the car and she drives away, I will never see her again.

I will never get an update. I will never know anything about her again. So that was the hardest part is that we did not, we were unable to create, um, a relationship with them to help that transition.

Rachel: Yeah.

Morgan: But again, that's what you, you have to remind yourself that this is kind of what you sign up for as a foster parent, that that is a possibility.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. But yeah, I think about her often because we had her for six months.

Rachel: Yeah.

Morgan: And she was so cute.

Rachel: Oh, man, and, and did you, I mean, is there any way for her, did you send [00:41:00] pictures with her or something just so that she would remember, you know, maybe not remember you, but just know that part of her story?

I mean, you can't control, obviously, if the other parents are going to honor that.

Morgan: I mean, we are planning on giving them to her social worker. Mm hmm. Um. It's been really hard to even look at pictures of her and get that together. Um, I was kind of hoping that the grandparents would ask for that because we have so many and they haven't.

So I'm going to have to go and go back and find all the pictures that I think. Would be important to her because she deserves to have the, deserves to have those, um, as she gets older, that's like, that was her first six months of life. I don't know if they would share those with her because. She might be like, well, where was this?

You know? Right. Um, but yeah, I will provide her social worker with them. Uh huh. I'm just taking some time to process.

Rachel: Yeah. [00:42:00] No, of course. Of course. And, and for William, was it, was it as difficult as well?

Morgan: Like, yeah, I mean, I, I'm sure, I'm sure he's always wanted to be a girl dad. So that was his first girl and he like really bonded with her and it was hit, like he was insecure as a parent.

on the first go around. Uh huh. And then on the second go around, you're like, Oh, she needs a bottle. She needs her diaper change. She needs this. And so he just like was super dad and like knew what to do. And it felt like he was just like ready to go. Um, it felt more comfortable in his role as a parent. Um, but then again, we still had to deal with our grief because we still had Atlas and number three.

Um, And number three again is having visitations with her biological family. Um, we're still doing that. Um, I'm trying to figure out [00:43:00] how much I can speak about because we are in the, it's getting kind of muddy at this point. We, we did develop a good relationship with the family and we were sending pictures and updates and talking, and then we actually had it approved through CPS.

For a little while there to actually do unsupervised visits with them.

Rachel: Mm-Hmm. ,

Morgan: because we thought for sure that she was gonna be reunified as well with, uh, bio grandparents. Mm-Hmm. . Um, and we wanted to make that transition super smooth. Yeah. Um, but then CPS came back and, and told us that that was no longer a safe option.

Rachel: Okay.

Morgan: Um, and now things are happening. In court. Mm-Hmm. court. And we don't know if she will or will not be reunified. Mm-Hmm. . Um,

I don't wanna say Yeah. Too much about her case. Don't. She is. Don't [00:44:00] an amazing, amazing baby. She's 13 months old.

Rachel: Mm-Hmm. .

Morgan: She has caught up on all of her milestones. Um, um, with occupational therapy. She's graduated from that. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . She's not walking yet. She's about to get there. Mm-Hmm. . Um, but. I have never met a stronger, more cuddly or loving baby.

Um, she's very, very special. So I, I just love her so much. Um, you know, Again, we are for whatever the judge chooses, but we just, we love her so much.

Um, and then they say like, when one door closes, another opens. So with number two, that was so heartbreaking. But William would always say, listen, she has a family to go back to.

And there are so many [00:45:00] children out there that don't have that. Yes. The next child that walks through our door may be a child that we adopt or a child that needs us for whatever time that may be. And at that point we had seen a girl in Texas that was 15 that wanted to be adopted out of foster care. Um, she was on the news and she was about two hours away and we submitted for her.

Um, we didn't end up, um, having her come to our home, but we did get in touch with her social workers because we were so Touched by her message and almost like it just breaks my heart to see a child kind of like beg for a family. Yeah. I know. Because everyone should just have parents. Yeah. Someone to love them.

Someone, you know, even if they're 15 18 be adopted so that when they go out into the world, they have somewhere to come back for Christmas or Thanksgiving or a [00:46:00] mom or dad or whoever it is to call and say, Hey, How do I pay off my debt? Or how do I cook this meal? Right. I clogged the toilet. You know, what do I do?

Yeah. Um, you know, a lot of children age out of the system and they don't have any resource. Yeah. Anyone to come back to. So we decided, To open up our home zero to 17, zero to 18, whatever the max age was. And we found out that in our agency, there was only one other family that was approved for that age.

So that just goes to show that most people really don't want older kids. Right. Is it, it does come with a lot, but most people, you know, do want the younger children.

Rachel: Yeah, I know.

Morgan: Which is also very understandable. Um, because older children will come with a much deeper, more [00:47:00] traumatic story. And you do have to be prepared and um, you

Rachel: need to know how to handle that.

That, I'm so, so happy for you guys. That, that's just unbelievable and happy for these children. Like, wow.

Morgan: Yeah. They're just, they're very special, and I just never thought my life would take me here.

Rachel: I know! It's so crazy. It's not like you thought that this was going to be your life path and you're going to have Do you think you'll keep doing it?

Like, do you think you'll just, like, indefinitely keep Fostering and then see what happens or?

Morgan: I think right now we're closing shop for a second. We've had three new kids in the house since September.

Um,

and that does take like an emotional toll. So foster care is, is hard. Like, yes, it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

Um, but the best thing that I have ever done.

Um, but right now I just kind of want to [00:48:00] figure out what's going on with number three. See where that's going and also get through the summer with number four, like we're doing camps and stuff and like signing her up for school. At the last month was a whole thing like we had never done school.

She's afraid Trying to make sure she has friends before the summer So she's just like immersed in the neighborhood and in the community Have her know that this is like the permanent place. These are your people. Um, so yeah We're just trying to be settled, but I think in the future Like we would, we want to continue being, you know, an open home because I just, I don't know, I don't have it in my heart to just stop when I know that there's, especially in Texas, just the crazy amount of kids like in the system.

Rachel: Yeah.

Morgan: Yeah.

Rachel: It's incredible. You're incredible. [00:49:00] You and William are incredible humans. And so are you. I mean, I just,

Morgan: I think everybody can do it, but I also do think it takes special people to do it because.

Rachel: It's a lot. It is. It is. It's a lot. I think, um, I think grit is like a really important aspect, you know, like when I'm trying to think of like what's, What do people need?

I actually have been developing this workbook that I'm going to be putting out and it's like 21 questions to decide if foster To adopt is for you and I talk about that like what's your relationship to grit and like resiliency? I think that you know people who have like one of the things I held on to in the beginning is like I Have experienced trauma in my life.

I haven't experienced that trauma in And so I, I don't know exactly what it's like, but I experienced trauma as a child. So like, I can, at least I know I can like bring that to the table. I can [00:50:00] empathize and I can be there for somebody and I know that I can work through stuff and like nothing's going to bring me down, you know, it's like ultimately that fortitude, which I know you have too.

And, um, It's, it's just incredible. I feel so blessed that our lives, our life paths crossed.

Morgan: I mean, if it was not for you and Izzy, like, I don't know if I would have even known or thought to do this. Like, I've always wanted to be and work with children, but like foster care was like a brand new concept to me.

So like, if I never met you, I just, it's really crazy how the world works.

Rachel: It is. And that's why I want to do this podcast. Like that right there is like, people need to know. This, they need to know this is an option. They need to know there's children that need homes. They need to know it's not easy, but they need to know that it's possible and like all of that stuff.

So, um, I know you, it's definitely not talked about enough. It's [00:51:00] not, it's not. And then like you hear all the horror stories about it and yes, there are a lot of them. There are a lot of them, but there's also so many happy stories that we don't hear about. So yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Morgan: Um, I know that we're getting running out of time maybe but I had a question for you Yeah, sure.

Go for it. Have you Experienced any like family members or friends having a hard time with your journey through foster care you bringing in? children and it being Not the traditional way to go about things and how it is stressful and it's hard for them to maybe process their feelings about it.

Rachel: I, I love that question.

It's such a great one. Um, no, but I think it's because I was so much older And, um, we came to this after having tried to have biological children. And so like my family and my friends and everyone [00:52:00] knew our struggles and our path. So I think they were all just like, so, so thrilled and happy for us to, to just have children.

But I could see, I could see that being, um, you know, difficult for someone like yourself is like, but you could have your own children, which is. I hate that, I hate that like terminology or whatever, but like, yeah, so I think, um, I could see that happening. And also at the very, very beginning, I remember my mom expressing concern and just being like, it's such a hard road and, you know, she was nervous for me.

She was scared because she didn't want to see me get hurt, but you know, she was like, it's your decision. And I was like, yes, it is. And, um, you know, and then she. I remember when we had Izzy, we had her for three months, and my niece was getting married, and so we decided to go to New York. And I remember being a little bit nervous about, like, are they going [00:53:00] to accept this child?

Because also, like, the thing about not knowing if she's going to stay, right? So like, I was like, I was concerned for Izzy. You know, for them being like, well, we don't, we don't want to like give to this child because we don't know if she's going to like be a part of the family or whatever. Like that. And they all just surprised me in the most amazing way, like open arms, even my aunts and uncles and everyone just treated her like she was just ours.

Like that was it. And that was incredible. That was just an incredible moment for us. Thank you. What about yourself? Have you experienced that? You

Morgan: Um, I've had family from the beginning be worried for me, worried, you know, what if you get attached and then they get, that's the biggest thing. What if you get attached and then they're removed?

And it's like, well, I, I did go through that. Um, and I'm okay. Cause I'm going to just keep doing it. And I know that I played my role in her life [00:54:00] and I took care of her for six months and I gave her what she needed. Um, I don't know if everybody can have that perspective and put their emotions. in a box like that.

Um, it might not be natural for everybody, but I've known ever since I've worked with kids that I fall in love with every child. Like I would have taken Izzy. I would have been like, I'm taking her and like, she's mine forever. You know, like I'll just. Fall in love with every kid. Right. Um, so like that's not the issue.

Um, you know, and just concerns about my mental health. Am I going to be able to handle it? Um, which I totally understand. I've also felt like Am I putting my family through? Am I traumatizing my family by bringing these amazing children in who may potentially leave? Yes, and at the same time I have to be like, well, this is my life.

This is what i'm choosing for myself and It might [00:55:00] affect other people, but I know that i'm doing something amazing and If they want to be on the train, they can be on the train or they can hop off at any time My choices just aren't going to change And another, uh, question or thing that has come up a bunch that has been talked about with many people is, Oh, like, She must have fertility issues.

This is why you're doing this. And I think it's really hard for people to understand. Understand how or why we would want to live this lifestyle if we didn't have to. Um, And I know, like, a lot of people do this because, you know, they, you had a hard time receiving, and you had your own journey into this, but meeting Izzy, I was like, Oh my gosh, this is something I want to do.

Yeah. No question about it. Yep. Um, [00:56:00] it's just an amazing thing. And so I just, a lot of people, I don't, I still don't think believe they think that I have something like wrong with me that I'm choosing this lifestyle. And I'm like, I don't know. I just feel passionate about this. This is something that I would love to do and I'm such an open person that if I was having fertility issues, I would share that too about myself because there's no shame in any part of my life.

Um, I'm an open book. So yeah, if you're, for anyone who's listening, like if you want to do foster care because you just want to do it, like that can just be your reason. Like there doesn't have to be.

Rachel: Anything else like yes. Yes. 100%. I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Is there anything else that you want to talk about or questions or advice that you want to share anything like that?

Morgan: Um, well, I just, I love that you're coming out with a workbook [00:57:00]

because I do think that like everybody should do foster care. There's just not enough. There's not enough good parents doing this. Um, Um, but if you're going to do it, educate yourself and make sure that you have the grit to do it. Yep. Have the, uh, it's, it requires strength and patience and.

You also do have to keep up on your education and your training every year, at least in Texas. So you just have to know that it's, it's a lot of work and you just have to be willing to do it.

Rachel: Yeah, it is. It is. Um, you're amazing. I, yeah, I just, I love and respect you so much. Thank you for taking the time.

Morgan: Thank you for having me on. That was so fun.

Rachel: I could talk forever. I know. Me too. This has been the Foster to Forever podcast. Happy stories of non traditional families born through Foster [00:58:00] to Adopt, produced by Aquarius Rising, edited by Jason Sarubbi at Split Rock Studios. Original music composed by Joe Fulginiti.

For more information or to stay in touch, visit from Foster2forever.com. That's from Foster the number two forever.com and stay connected with us on Instagram @Foster2Foreverpodcast. That's Foster the number two Forever podcast. We'll see you next time.